


A Port in the Storm

by Riverdalerider99



Category: Supernatural
Genre: (ish??), Gen, Introspection, bc he loves it, but it's mostly about sam's relationship with hony, humans of new york, no idea how to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-31 03:02:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6452857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riverdalerider99/pseuds/Riverdalerider99
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam finds the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/humansofnewyork/">Humans of New York Facebook page</a>. It helps.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Port in the Storm

“I went to Stanford. I wanted to help people, and I was applying to law schools when my brother came to get me because of a family emergency. I left my girlfriend behind, and when I came back I found out our house had caught on fire and she was dead. That was ten years ago, and when I think about the guy I was back then, I can’t even see myself in him. Too much crap has happened since, you know? Those days are just like a glow. It’s all gone fuzzy. Now, you wouldn’t even believe me if I told you what my brother and I do for a living. It’s hard and violent and it never seems to end, but I don’t know, I don’t think I know who I am without it. I'm helping people, I guess, but recently it’s all just gotten so big and out of control. I’ve done a lot of stuff I regret, stuff I’m trying to atone for. I don’t know how I keep going. I just tell myself I have to, because there’s nothing else anymore.”

* * *

 

Sam finds the Humans of New York Facebook page when it’s recommended to a fake Facebook he made for an alias. He clicks on out of curiosity -- it looks interesting, why not? He ends up spending hours scrolling through, reading the stories, the comments, just taking it all in. It’s amazing. So many people, so many stories. Sam finds himself captivated by these brief snapshots of life; there are the people with heartbreaking stories, the ones that are full of self-doubt and indecision, and the people with hopeful stories, the ones that went through a shitstorm and are now at peace, and so many people in between.

He keeps coming back to the page, every few months. The first time it occurs to him to check it again, he’s in the middle of the Trials and everything hurts and it feels like he’s drowning. Somehow, Sam finds the page again, almost as if his fingers moved of their own accord. He reads the stories and it’s a reminder, a reminder for him to keep going. He’s doing this for them, to keep them safe from the demons that come pouring out of Hell. They don’t deserve to be possessed, to have their whole lives ruined. He can stop this, can make a difference, so he keeps going, even on the days when he’s can barely breathe without coughing up blood, when his knees threaten to give out from under him. There is good in the world, and he’s fighting for it.

The next time, Dean and Gadreel have left him reeling and broken, and the grace inside of him isn’t enough to be of help, but enough to make him feel dirty and stained, and it’s too much. He can’t keep going, can barely get out of bed to drag himself to the library for another day of fruitless research. But Humans of New York is still there, and whoever runs it (Brandon Stanton, he finds out later) is still talking to people and sharing their stories, and it helps. A little. Knowing there are people out there who aren’t caught up in this supernatural whirlwind is comforting. There are babies with cute outfits and students graduating from college and fathers with their daughters, and they’re all living and breathing people. He keeps going.

Sam checks in more after that, mostly when it’s bad. When just sharing a space with Dean makes him afraid for his life, when Dean dies, when he finds out Dean is a demon. One day, a bad day, Sam’s scrolling through the feed when he sees a face that looks familiar. It takes him a second to think back before the millennia he spent in Hell, but he places her. A hunt in upstate New York, a few months before Dean’s deal was up. They saved her life, back when she was a scared teenager. Now, according to Humans of New York, she’s just graduated from college and found a solid job in New York City, one with a decent pay with room to move up in the company. She’s nervous but happy, and doing what she loves, she says.

It hits him, as he’s sitting there reading the post. Without him, she would’ve been dead, strung up by a wendigo in a cave somewhere. But instead, she’s here and she’s living and she’s thriving. No matter how often he wonders if there’s any point to continuing, if he’s really making a difference, this is proof that he is. Sam helped give this girl a future, and he holds that knowledge close to his chest. Not everything is hopeless, Humans of New York helps him remember that. 

So when he’s taking a walk by himself in Central Park after one of those rare hunts in a big city and Brandon Stanton walks up to him with a camera and asks if he can take a picture, Sam is a little in shock. New York is giant, after all, and he’s only been here twice. What are the odds? Sam shouldn’t say yes, he knows. He’s wanted in several states, there’s that FBI thing from the Leviathans. He really shouldn’t be putting his face on the Internet, especially given the reach that Humans of New York has. But he just can’t make himself give this chance up. He just asks that his face isn’t visible, and Brandon goes from there.

Afterwards, he asks Sam some questions, and Sam answers them to the best of his ability without giving too much away. It’s a little freeing, even with the amount of censorship he’s adding, to be able to get it off of his chest, without anyone who’ll judge him or yell at him for being too selfish. Just before Brandon leaves, Sam thanks him for running Humans of New York, says that it’s really helped him find hope, and Brandon gives him a sincere thank you in response, looking touched. That feels freeing too, knowing that Sam managed to make someone happy. That doesn’t happen very often.

His picture shows up on the Facebook page a few days later, along with his quote. It’s nothing special -- if he didn’t already know, he’d barely recognize his own back. Within hours, there are hundreds and hundreds of comments. Sam can’t keep up, but he reads some of them. There are a few bashing him, but mostly they’re supporting him. Random people, people he’ll never meet, telling him they’re proud of him for making it this far, hoping he finds something that makes him happy, just reading what he has to say. Hundreds of thousands of people sparing a second to think about him. Sam isn’t deserving of their support, of their thoughts, but it warms him just the same. He can keep going. He will keep going.

**Author's Note:**

> This was very heavily inspired an amazing [headcanon](http://padahlecki.tumblr.com/post/142042732894/can-we-please-talk-about-sam-and-this-huge) from tumblr user padahlecki. Also posted on my [tumblr](http://heavenlysams.tumblr.com/) (come say hi!!). Thanks for reading!!


End file.
